Too many people get into relationships without knowing themselves first. When they finally find their “match”; they start looking at what they can change about the person. Before going into relationships you should have a clear vision of who you are, what do you want from the relationship, and accept the person who you just met as is. 

Number one thing to remember is you cannot change people. Well, maybe you can, but are you willing to expend that much energy to bend the will of another person? This should also come as a caveat, once you start changing, you will want to keep changing a person. Eventually this approach is going to be met with push back from your mate. This approach is also known as nagging. Yes, your mate might change upon your first request. However, if your mate continues to see that you want them to keep on changing, doubts of not being good enough starts to seep in. You are staring at a long road to a rocky relationship. If you are a person who who dislikes a cigarette smoker, the next logical question to ask, is why are you with a cigarette smoker?

Acceptance, is the key to either a healthy relationship or a very short journey together. When you have the knowledge that you can’t change anyone, you tend to focus on what this person is bringing to the table right away. For a lot of us, we see the warning signs, but we keep marching forward with the hopes of changing unwanted behaviors. Change can only come from the individual themselves, they have to want the change. We cannot force change on anyone. The end result may be resentment, retaliation, or dissonance. 

If you prefer to be with someone who can expressively communicate, then make sure you align yourself to what your heart wants. No need to try and mold a non-expressive person into a talker. Accept your mate as the person who they are or go your separate ways. Why torture each other, to see who will surrender first? You might end up being the only person within the relationship, who makes the change. You may become more aggressive with your requests or angrier from the lack of change in your mate. The fun and love slowly deflates from the relationship.

Relationships should be joyous, filled with mutual respect from both partners. There is so much turmoil in the world, you should be coming home to a peaceful situation as often as possible. If your pillows are frequently wet at night due to tears of hurt, it might be time to check how happy you truly are. 

You are blessed and deserve to be in a loving relationship. It is not your job or duty to save anyone from themselves. You don’t have to endure pain from your partner with the hopes that your partner will change. Accept who you are. Accept who your partner is. From this standpoint, you should decide to stay or go. 

Omar S. Turner The Life Coach

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